Overheard

I had an interview this week for the first time in literally years. I got to wear nice clothes, the kids didn't wipe their faces on me and I got to talk to an actual adult about the adult things I did in the workplace years ago. Um, wait, that just didn't sound right. I was not doing those kind of adult things in the workplace. You know what I mean, hopefully. The upshot is that it was a good networking and confidence building exercise but not the right job for me. My son was a bit confused by the whole thing.

What's that? Big Brother asks, pointing to my necklace.
It's a necklace.
You could choke with that around your neck. He's never really seen me dressed up before.

Big Brother didn't want me to leave. Mostly because I promised they could go in the pool when I returned. He figured that if I just didn't leave, then he could get in the pool sooner. So he came up with this solution ...

You can talk to him on the computer, mom, Big Brother says. Smart kid.

And speaking of swimming, all three of the kids have taken to the water like fish.  Girlface gets around with her wings quite well and even climbs aboard all manners of floats all by herself. Big Brother was introduced to the cannonball by his father and now routinely jumps high off the side of the pool, screaming "CANNONBALL." He even puts his head under water. He calls it his "strategy" to get away from PopPop's water gun. The Baby is still a bit tentative, but has learned to kick his feet and even chants "Kick, kick, kick" along with me in the water.

Bargain of the century

In other news, Big Brother got a new bedroom set last Friday. We got it at the thrift shop for $200. It's a loft with a dresser, bookshelf, ladder and desk. He loves it.

I'm sleeping in the clouds, he says.

***

Is that turkey, mom? Big Brother asks while we're watching a cooking show. The man was grilling a beautiful piece of beef.
No, it's cow.
He must have beat up that cow. Oh, if he only knew ...

I did a pee fart, Big Brother says, giggling. He farted while peeing. Even my husband laughed at this. And then the baby started laughing and making fart noises.

I'm making a penis, mommy, a half-naked Girlface tells me as she struts through the kitchen. I'll leave it to your imagination just how she was doing it.

And next thing I know, she's doing this ...

I'm giving baby Dennis boobyjuice, mommy, Girlface tells me as she puts her stuffed monkey to her chest. She's so confused.

Mom, come quick. I want to show you my poop, Big Brother says. I've been (finally and gratefully) out of the poop loop with him for quite some time now. I just gotta know: why am I the designated poop inspector around here?  Even my husband will randomly tell me how many times a day he's pooped -- like I care. 

I want to see The Baby's poop, says Girlface, my little poop inspector in training. She even wants to see the dog's poop when I scoop it up. Ew.

Here, The Baby, you can sit here. Now we can have a conversation, Big Brother says. You know that he can't talk yet, right Big Brother?

I love you, Big Brother, Girlface chants over and over and over again to her sleepy brother. Grumpy boy was having none of it.

Fudgesicles are my favorite, I tell the kids. Really, what's not to love? It's chocolate ice cream on a stick. No dishes to clean!
Does it have Diet Coke in it? Big Brother asks. (Mommy has a bit of a Diet Coke problem.)

The flies are  all over me, Jim says. It must be all the showers I take. (The man showers once a day. That's just obscene.)
Yeah, they don't bother me. I don't get that many showers. 
They probably just think you're a moving tree. Yep, that's my scent: Eau de oak tree. 

Oh, go ahead, if it'll keep you from screaming, Jim says as The Baby starts chewing his plate. Anything to keep him quiet.

Have a great weekend.